Beer Magazine

Beer Kitchen

September 30, 2008

Beer Magazine’s Top 5 Beer Drinking Sports

More articles by »
Written by: BeerMagDerek

Finding Your Beer Balls
Beer Magazine’s Top 5 Beer Drinking Sports

As seen in Issue 5 of Beer Magazine

words: Geoff Cozine

Imagine the Super Bowl without beer. Okay, okay. Stop screaming. We’re just proving a point. Whether you’re tailgating or sitting on the couch watching breast-laden commercials, sports and drinking are inseparable. The problem is that playing sports and drinking isn’t always the best idea, so before you end up immobilized or excommunicated, check out this list. We have painstakingly researched the Top 5 Best Beer Drinking Sports for you. We have also included the perfect game fuels for each one, since the carbs in beer will provide the energy you need to raise your hands in victory (and the alcohol will help you share the finger of defeat)!

Hydration, Hydration, Hydration
It’s probably the second most important rule of drinking (right after “liquor before beer…”). Drinking and playing sports both dehydrate you, and dehydration causes hangovers. Along with your favorite brew, bring some water and a sports drink or two. You’ll have a much better time both today and tomorrow.
Keep drinking fluids now, you won't regret it later.

5. Get your rocks off!
“Throwing” 44-pound “rocks” of granite and wearing two different shoes sounds like the start of a great drinking story, but it’s really just part of the Winter Olympics’ red-headed step-child: Curling. Think of it as horseshoes, but with more Canadians, eh? You’ll spend half your time standing around, beer in hand, yelling at two poor bastards frantically sweeping the ice. Just don’t forget that those poor bastards will be barking directions at you the other half of the time. That’s what the beer’s for, and the playing surface even keeps it cold!
We think it started when somebody needed a beer at the end of the ice.

Recommended Game Fuel:
• Stone Pale Ale. What goes better with throwing rocks than throwing back a Stone?
• Molson Canadian Light. Over ¾ million Canadian curlers can’t be wrong. It’s not too heavy, it goes down easy, and it won’t add 44 pounds to your waistline.

4. Largemouth and Longnecks
This one’s almost too obvious. Regardless of which one you use as an excuse for the other, fishing and beer go together like… well… fishing and beer! After all, a day out on the lake or stream wouldn’t be the same without a cooler sitting next to your tackle box. Now, some of you are probably saying that fishing isn’t a sport. Well, then how come B.A.S.S. has fantasy fishing? Hah! We rest our case.
So we fish in barrels here. It's right by the cooler.

Recommended Game Fuel:
• Dogfish Head 60-Minute IPA. It’s got “fish” in the name, and you’ll need all those hops to get the taste of stink bait out of your mouth.
• Coors Light. Falling in the water when you can’t walk is not in your best interest. If you’ll be in a boat, drown your sorrows instead of yourself by sticking to this lighter fare.

Separating the weizen from the chaff
Every list needs some rules (even if we end up not following them), so here they are. To be considered a good Beer Drinking Sport…

1.You must be able to drink while playing/performing (if not while actually doing it, then intermittently throughout the activity in question).

2.You must have to stand to play (at least from time to time).

3.It must be legal to play the sport while intoxicated. (NASCAR may have been started by bootleggers, but you really oughta be sober to drive over 200mph!)
4.It shouldn’t be too dangerous to do the sport with double vision. (If you do end up in the hospital, make sure your story doesn’t make you look stupid.)

5.The sport should not require any silly outfits. (That means no sequins or fringe, unless you really want to.)

6.Your ‘sport’ can’t be a video game. (Playing Madden on your Xbox is fun, and it mixes well with beer, but you won’t fool anyone into thinking it’s a sport. Dance Dance Revolution? Moving on.)

7.You should be able to call it a sport in front of 10 random people (and have at least two of them not laugh).

8.Your sport can’t already be recognized as a “drinking game.” (This is a list of games you could still play if you were a nun, allergic to alcohol—wouldn’t that suck?—or just really boring.)

9.The sport shouldn’t make you dizzy (especially when you’re sober).

You can checkout any time you like…
Some ingenious states let you bring beer onto a golf course and even drink while you play, but they forbid you to take it back out. It’s like the Hotel California, but it’s your beer that can never leave instead of you. You don’t want to find out the hard way—with a half case of Chimay still in the cooler—that you can’t take your beer home, so check with the course before you go, then plan accordingly. Worse comes to worst, the resident pros might take your leftovers as a liquid tip and may even offer a few pointers in return.

3. Drinking and Driving
Mark Twain said golf was “a good walk spoiled.” He obviously didn’t have beer with him! Golf can be frustrating, but after a few cold ones, you attain a Zen-like serenity that turns you into Tiger with a beer belly. Granted, by the 18th hole, you’ll look more like Mr. Cousteau than Mr. Woods, but the chance to drive the cart with a beer in your hand makes it all worth it. (We won’t tell you what that is at the bottom of the duck pond, but when you’re diving in to fetch your last ball after a 12-pack, does it really matter, Jacques?)

Recommended Game Fuel:
• Samuel Adams Scotch Ale. Modern golf was invented in Scotland, so drink a toast to its founders as you watch the grounds crew flip your cart back over.
• Amstel Light. That ball is pretty tiny, so you’ll appreciate the low ABV of the PGA’s official beer if you intend to drive past the ladies tee box on the back nine.

2. Roll out the Barrel!
Ahhhh, sweet bowling. Thou art an ideal mate to the intoxicating inhibition-lifter of the immortals. Seriously. Is there any other professional sport where you can fall on your face during your approach and still do well? The pins look like beer bottles, you get to call yourself a kegler, and most alleys even have bars, so there’s no BYOB required. As if it couldn’t get any better, pick the right lane and you can even bumper bowl. They say the bumpers are for kids, but they can help a lot at 1am! Just make sure you get a strike during the beer frame, or you’re buyin’.
This is what the lanes by us looks like...your's doesn't?

Recommended Game Fuel:
• Ommegang Abbey Ale. The 8.5% ABV of this bottle-conditioned beauty will help you forget you’re wearing someone else’s shoes.
• Miller Genuine Draft. Milwaukee just wouldn’t be Milwaukee without bowling and Miller. It’s your solemn duty to reunite them.

1. It’s like baseball, only easier!
Could there be any other number 1? Slow-pitch softball is the granddaddy of all beer drinking sports. Its leagues were originally started by neighborhood bars (hence the “beer leagues”), and the rulebook is more likely to have a requirement for drinking than for pants. It’s played at “beer speed,” and the softball’s bigger size makes it easier to figure out what you should swing at after the first few innings. Pounding beers while brandishing a big club? Count us in!

Recommended Game Fuel:
• Shiner Blonde. This light-hued gem goes down easy and is as
All-American as softball itself. Its low ABV could also give you the edge you need in the later innings.
• Busch Light. The pitches may be slow, but the pitchers of suds go fast, so quantity and economy are king.

About the Author

Publisher. Editor. Janitor.

Beer Magazine
Beer Magazine


Be the first to comment!

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Beer Magazine